Back to Basics

by BurtPrelutsky

I realize there are perfectly decent Republicans who still hold out hope that, through divine or not so divine intervention, Santorum, Gingrich or Paul, will wind up being the GOP nominee. I have no doubt that years ago, they were perfectly decent children who believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. So while I hate to destroy anyone’s delusions, I think it is high time that the RNC grew up and faced reality.

For openers, if this primary season has taught us anything, it’s that the GOP needs to address its laundry list of mistakes. One, they should do away with caucuses; if a state doesn’t wish to stage an actual primary for whatever reason, they should just sit it out. Are you listening, Iowa?

Two, let’s put an end to open primaries. Why would Republicans want Democrats helping to decide who our nominee is going to be? Do you really think they have our best interests at heart?

Three, let’s stop putting Iowa and New Hampshire at the head of the parade. In a general election, neither state is all that important, but because they come first, the nation has to focus on them for weeks, even months, at a time. And no more punishing states like Florida and Michigan for wanting to move up the dates of their primaries. Instead, have a start date; say January 15th, and then allow each state to determine when they want to hold their primary. If they all decide on January 16th, so be it. At least we wouldn’t have to drag these things on endlessly.

Finally, assuming all the primaries wouldn’t take place on the same date, candidates who don’t achieve a certain level of support would be excluded from future ballots. As I write this, there have been nearly 30 primaries or caucuses, and thus far Gingrich has won two and Paul, who is making his third run, has once again won none. There is no good reason that they should continue to be regarded as serious candidates, in just the same way that a bunch of wannabes looking to garner some publicity have no business clogging up the debates. I mean, seriously, did anyone, including his daughters, ever really believe that Jon Hunstman was going to be the nominee?

As long as I’m busy making rules, I would like to make a rule that nobody ever again be tried for a hate crime. A crime is a crime, and whether the victim is a black, a Hispanic or a homosexual, should not make the punishment any more severe than if the victim is a WASP. One can safely assume that every crime is hateful to the victim. People who favor concentrating on “hate” rather than “crime” are the same noodle-heads who are unaware that “social justice” is an oxymoron. Justice doesn’t call for adjectives. Once they’re added on, it ceases to be justice, which is why Lady Justice is always pictured blindfolded and why Martin Luther King pleaded for a colorblind society.

The news of late has been somewhat sedate, as the Democratic Duffer has managed to keep his progressive pie hole closed..  It would seem that all of the bulbs on the totalitarian teleprompter are as dim as the socialist that normally reads it..  The liberals have been busy trying to pawn off tickets to Solyndra OWEbama’s St. Louis “event” on Ebay or failing that, they will give them out with each packet of OWEbama food stamps.  Maybe they will give one ticket out for every job “saved or created” by OWEbama since 2009..  That should square away two tickets, they are still undecided about what to do with the rest of the 2,498..

That said, a small and somewhat interesting event took place in Assachusetts just a few days ago..  No, it wasn’t OWEbama’s ILLEGAL “long lost” uncle, another Democrat with a relative who likes to pop a cork..  At least Billy Carter was here LEGALLY..  No, it wasn’t about his ILLEGAL auntie and her welfare checks..  No, another Kennedy didn’t drown an innocent girl and then swim to safety..  No, there wasn’t another “Winter Soldier” get together where the Easter Island statute could again blaspheme the efforts of his contemporaries for his personal political gain..  No, another Kennedy relative didn’t kill another fifteen year old girl..  (A lot seems to go on in this state, doesn’t it..)

This had to do with a little reported (surprise..) “thwarted terror plot”.  According to the title of the Fox News article, “Feds Say Public Was Never in Danger in Massachusetts Man’s Thwarted Terror Plot” (09/29/2011)

Our latest Mooselim terrorist wanted to “blow up the Pentagon and the U.S. Capitol”.  Like ALL Mooselims, the words within his passport are irrelevant compared to the words that he takes to heart emanating from another of the bearded baboons who preach the “religion of peace”..  This Mooselim, who flat-out said, “I can’t stop, there is no other choice for me”, fell well short with his plans, plans that were hatched based upon the words within the terrorist handbook..

There is a very comical angle to this Mooselim’s plots and plans.  He was going to use “radio-controlled” planes to attack these two buildings all of them loaded with C4.  The irony of the fact that these rug rodents are themselves “radio-controlled” isn’t lost upon me but you have to marvel at the Mooselim “thinking” behind the idea that a jumbo jet loaded with jet fuel hitting the Pentagon at over 500 miles an hour couldn’t destroy the building yet a few “radio-controlled” balsa wood boy scout merit badge rubber band driven “planes” will..  I guess that all of the nation’s “flight schools” were booked up with other enterprising Mooselims with ticking turbans..  Maybe the whole “seventy two virgins” thing has worn out its welcome on the dopey terrorists and they want to do their dirty work just like shark bait Bin Laden did, from a distance, not up close and personal..

Meet Rezwan Ferdaus of “Ashland, Mass.”, just your typical nice Irish lad from Assachusetts..  Where you are allegedly “from” is irrelevant, what you “believe” is what identifies you and poisons you.  Then again, in SOME cases, where you are from or how many hyphens you have in your name precipitates what you “believe” in..

There are any number of things that don’t seem to bother the rest of you that manage to keep me awake nights. One of these is the Olympics. Why, I find myself wondering, does the world every four years turn its entire attention to athletic events it will then totally ignore for the next four years? I make no bones about the fact that I have no interest in the whole shebang, but how is it that the rest of you don’t suddenly start devoting the same attention to 12-year-old gymnasts, discus throwers and synchronized swimmers that I do to baseball if you find these and sundry matters so darn enthralling?

Next, why is it that you can’t wait to gorge yourself on roast turkey every Thanksgiving but don’t even think about having it on any of the other 364 days of the year? I am even willing to bet that no condemned man ever ordered it for his last meal unless, of course, he was slated to meet his maker on the fourth Thursday in November.

This brings us, inevitably, to politics. Of course with the 2012 presidential campaign being well under way, everything these days brings us inevitably to politics. But what I specifically have in mind are Iowa and New Hampshire. Now, please understand I have no problem with either place. I once even spent a pleasant week in and around Des Moines. But how was it determined that those two improbable states would be given so much importance? I understand that for reasons I can’t quite fathom they get to kick off the primary season, but so what? To me it makes about as much sense as inflating the importance of winning the coin toss at the start of a football game.

The plain facts are these: The Hawkeye State doesn’t even have a primary election, but merely a caucus at which a few hundred people get to root for their favorite candidate; while the Granite State is so small that in 2008, Obama and McCain divvied up a mere 701,528 votes. Shoot, you get bigger turnouts than that in mayoral elections in a slew of American cities.

But if you listen to the various pundits, you would think that instead of Iowa and New Hampshire, it was California and Texas or at least Florida and New York that were up for grabs. In the general election, Iowa and New Hampshire will account for a total of 11 electoral votes. That would mean that even if one of the presidential candidates swept both of them, he or she would still have to rack up another 259 votes before collecting the keys to the White House.

Two other things keep gnawing at me. How is it that people who drive around with bumper stickers that read “War is Not the Answer” aren’t the least bit embarrassed to be seen in public? Of course, as most of us realize, there are many occasions when war is exactly the right answer. There are also, I grant you, many occasions when it isn’t, as, for instance, when the question is “Who portrayed Dr.