Posts Tagged ‘Rodeos’

It’s bull

by Douglas J. Hagmann on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013

John Pistole, head of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), granted this writer an exclusive interview late yesterday to discuss the Obama clown mask incident at the Missouri State Fair that caused an uproar among the Progressive left. Speaking from his summer home in 1936 Germany, Pistole stated that the Obama clown mask incident serves as a perfect example that illustrates the need for TSA expansion to other venues beyond airports, and the reason the TSA specifically named rodeos as a venue of coverage in their recent announcement.

“Rodeos, they’re a breeding ground for domestic terrorists as defined by the DHS lexicon. The ‘land mines’ left by the unconditioned bovines are a clear and present danger to positive government sentiment,” said Pistole, who noted that some rodeo members compared the olfactory assault to Washington policies. “We can’t have that now, can we,” he asked rhetorically.

In this rare and unusually candid interview, Pistole told this author that “this incident would have never happened with TSA presence on site. As the American public knows, our only concern is their safety, and this clown was clearly a threat to fair-goers,” he stated. “Had the TSA been present, no Obama masks would have ever gotten through our security checkpoints. Our agents are highly trained to find latex and certain kinds of offensive plastic products, including any that might be secreted into private crevices to circumvent security. And because these items are able to conform to one’s body, they represent an even greater threat to the public,” said Pistole.  “This is the reason that the TSA screening procedure of the public must become even invasive and intrusive,” he emphasized. “It’s a matter of public safety.”

Asking what actions the TSA has taken in light of the bull at the fair, Pistole stated, “due to the outrage being exploited over this incident, I immediately ordered the TSA in Missouri to work with the FBI, CIA, FEMA, and PETA to place the clown, the announcer and even the bull in ‘Schutzhaft,’ err, I mean, protective custody. While in protective custody, the clown and fair announcer have been ordered to undergo reeducation training at the FEMA region III Reeducation Center for Crimes against the State.”

Almost as quickly as Pistole made that statement, he asked that it be removed from the record. In a moment of refreshing candor which has become a hallmark of this administration, Mr, Pistole confessed that he had just returned from Martha’s Vineyard, where he was copiously drinking VARBs, or the popular ‘power drink’ consisting of vodka and Red Bull, with ‘Barack, Valerie, and Janet.’ Chuckling, Pistole said, “hey, that’s ironic, isn’t it. I mean vodka and Red Bull, and we’re talking about…” his voice suddenly trailed off and was briefly silenced by the sound of ice cubes striking the bottom of an empty glass.

“The TSA needs to be proactive on this matter,” stated Pistole.  “I’ve also contacted Lois Lerner at home and instructed her to launch an aggressive and comprehensive tax audit of everyone involved in the fair, from the clown and the announcer to the bulls themselves.” When reminded that Ms.

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Don’t Try That In Montana!

by Chuck Baldwin on Thursday, July 26th, 2012

This is article 201 of 583 in the topic Gun Rights

By now, everybody in the country knows about the horrific shootings at a packed theater in the metro Denver area last week. Twelve people were killed and scores were wounded. Predictably, gun-control zealots nationwide are shouting for stricter gun control laws. Not only that, some are even calling for the TSA to set up airport-style screening devices in movie theaters.

So, if the TSA is going to set up screening devices for movie theaters, why not grocery stores, department stores, malls, strip malls, churches, boy scout meetings, girl scout meetings, soccer matches, little league baseball games, concerts, rodeos, etc., etc. Heck, let’s just put TSA screeners at any gathering that attracts more than, say, ten people! What about the cost, you ask? Who cares? It’s all about being safe, right? If big-government toadies have taught us anything over the past several years it is that the American people are a bunch of helpless, defenseless sheep who owe all of their safety and security to the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-caring federal government, right?

Whether the Denver shooter was a plain old wacko or a product of some sort of sophisticated MK Ultra-type assassination program, as some are suggesting, the reason twelve people died and so many were wounded is because the laws of the city and rules of the movie theater demanded that patrons disarm themselves. Had only one or two individuals in that movie theater been armed, the outcome could have been much different. Twelve people are dead, because the movie theater was a gun-free zone! Obviously, bad guys do not pay any attention to gun-free zones, except to note that such zones create a free-killing environment.

Have readers ever noticed that these so-called “madmen” are never crazy enough to try and attack guys at a gun range? Gee! I wonder why not?

One thing the national news media will always ignore is the practice of lawful self-defense. For example, most people are probably not aware of the fact that American citizens use a firearm to defend themselves more than 2.4 million times EVERY YEAR. That is more than 6,500 times EVERY DAY. This means that, each year, firearms are used 60 times more often to protect the lives of honest citizens than to take lives. Furthermore, of the 2.4 million self-defense cases, more than 192,000 are by women defending themselves against sexual assault. And in less than eight percent of those occasions is a shot actually fired. The vast majority of the time (92%), the mere presence of a firearm helps to avert a major crime from occurring. That is what Congressman Roscoe Bartlett (R-MD) concluded after extensive research. According to Rep. Bartlett, the number of defensive uses is four times the number of crimes reported committed with guns.

John Lott, senior research scientist at the University of Maryland, agrees with Bartlett. His book “More Guns, Less Crime” documents the fact that firearms in the hands of private citizens are actually a major deterrent to crime–instead of being a cause of crime.

One thing America’s founders unanimously agreed on was the necessity of free people to keep and bear arms. In light of the Denver shootings, Thomas Jefferson’s counsel makes even more sense. He said, “Laws that forbid the carrying of arms . . .

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Bill Whittle on Goat Rodeos and Three Years of Barack Obama

by Jimmie Bise Jr. on Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

This is article 482 of 1011 in the topic Obama

I admit, I love a good political rant. Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of them and I’ve found that those who do it best — Rush Limbaugh, Dennis Miller, and Bill Whittle sit at the top of that short list — combine passion with reason and humor.  Most folks who step to the microphone, amateurs and professionals alike, bring truckloads of passion but all too often they forget the reason and the humor.

This edition of Bill Whittle’s Afterburner, his last of the year, is one of the very best rant pieces you will hear (via the superlative Nice Deb). It is smart, passionate, and drops a few little bits of humor to keep it from devolving into a full-fledged spittle-flecked tirade (the use of “goat rodeo” to describe the Obama administration was inspired and made me laugh out loud).

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