I hate our government. I really do. I had a legitimate article about serious things of concern to our great nation all ready to go. Then someone in the government does something so utterly stupid that I have to trash that original article to talk about this utter stupidity.
Our government is actually paying people, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) to be precise, to waste time and our money to blog about how to be prepared for a “Zombie Apocalypse”. Am I serious? Yes I am. And so is the CDC apparently. As if there are not enough pressing problems with the world we live in? Now the Zombie Apocalypse is upon too it seems.
Now, I know that America already suffered a zombie apocalypse. It happened on Election Day in 2008. On that day hordes of mindless people voted for a “clean” and “articulate” black man by the name of Barack Obama, as apposed to an intelligent and thoughtful black man like Mr. Alan Keyes or the somewhat bumbling, but infinitely better John McCain, for President. As a result America is still trying to dig out of that calamity.
But this is not the Zombie Apocalypse the CDC is referring to. The post, by Ali S. Khan, a Rear Admiral and Assistant Surgeon General and Director of Public Health Preparedness and Response, starts out by stating, “There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.”
Under “A Brief History Of Zombies”, the post discusses zombies in pop culture including movies like Night of the Living Dead as well as telling us what a zombie is. “Although its meaning has changed slightly over the years, it refers to a human corpse mysteriously reanimated to serve the undead,” writes Mr. Khan. Holy crap! I had no idea!
And what should you do in case of a zombie attack? Well, the CDC warns that the emergency preparedness kit for this fateful scenario is pretty much the same as your basic emergency kit for other emergencies such as, “hurricanes or pandemics”. You should have water, 1 gallon per person per day, food, medications that you are required to take, soap, perhaps to help bath any zombies you might come across, a change of clothes, and first aid supplies. Although the post admits that the first aid supplies will do you no good in the case of a zombie bite, it is sure to remind us that it can still be used to treat other basic injuries. What? The government does not have a top secret anti-zombie vaccine for us to stock our kits with yet? What the heck are my tax dollars going towards if not something so important?