Back to Basics

ONE OF THE BEST EXPLANATIONS
OF WHY OBAMA WON THE ELECTION

From a teacher in the Nashville area

“We are worried about ‘the cow’ when it is all about the ‘Ice Cream.’

The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year…

The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest.

I decided we would have an election for a class president.

We would choose our nominees..

They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote.

To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members.

We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have.

We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.

The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids.

I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots of parental support.

I had never seen Olivia’s mother.

The day arrived when they were to make their speeches.

Jamie went first.

He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place.

He ended by promising to do his very best.

Everyone applauded and he sat down.

Now it was Olivia’s turn to speak.

Her speech was concise.

She said, “If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream.” She sat down.

The class went wild. “Yes! Yes!

We want ice cream.”

She surely would say more. She did not have to.

A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream?

She wasn’t sure.

Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it…

She didn’t know.

The class really didn’t care.

All they were thinking about was ice cream…

Jamie was forgotten.. Olivia won by a landslide.

Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream

and 52 percent of the people reacted like nine year olds.

They want ice cream.

The other 48 percent know they’re going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess.”

This is the ice cream Obama promised us!

Yep, these are the  same kind of 18-year-olds that just voted in our last election!

I had to share this joke – let’s hope this isn’t actually true!  The way this country is going today, and all of the people that still just don’t understand what is really happening, leads on to believe if this is the intelligence of the future leaders of the United States.  If so, we are ALL in trouble.

Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there,  who will no doubt appreciate the latest in public restroom humor:

Everyone needs a laugh once in a while!  Hope you enjoy this joke.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.  Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local WalMart.

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of black pepper leading to a kerosene tank in the hunting aisle where is asked the clerk, “you gotta light”.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away!” This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of 20 funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but not least

1. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.” One of the clerks passed out.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like pipefitters …those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”

Just a little humor to brighten your day!

Just a little humor for you to enjoy…

Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the president’s new health care package….

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Pediatricians said, ‘Oh, Grow up!’

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

President Obama, Senate and House of Representatives:

I’m planning to move my family and extended family (18-20 mouths) into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We’re planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements. We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I’m on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All Mexico government forms need to also be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO A CHEAPER HEALTHCARE PLAN:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgecicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is “an apple a day.”
(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to the Goodwill last month.
(4) “The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,” is not a typographical error.
(3) The only expense covered 100% is “embalming.”
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M’s on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU’VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE PLAN:
(1) You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape!

Ironically, just after reading this joke to my husband he injured his finger. We were able to get an appointment to see the doctor within 15 minutes. The results: he pulled a ligament in his finger and needed it splinted…and this is the topper – he used a large paper clip and hockey tape. Guess our employer has changed to a cheaper healthcare plan!

(To not criticize the doctor’s treatment; the doctor said the paperclip is exactly the right size to fit on the finger and still be able to use one joint, and the hockey tape is a very sticky tape that holds well. Sometimes the best treatments are those you may have in your own cupboards.)